Dear Sariah,
It's mommy again, if you couldn't already tell. Today got me thinking about somethings, and I thought it was important you heard them. Today I made another promise to you. After certain events involving your grandma, I made an oath that what she put me through, I'll never put you through.
I promise to make sure that no one will ever become before you. I promise to not bring anyone into your life that may cause you harm in anyway. Aside from your dad, I just want to make sure you never feel pushed to the side, or unimportant. I won't ignore your opinions or thoughts, I won't walk away when you're trying to tell me something.
I've been through a lot when I was your age. Something I'll make sure that it never ever happens to you. Because no child deserves what I went through, they deserve much more. I didn't have a happy family like most children did, but I'm going to try hardest to make sure you do.
Never will I lay a hand on you unless it's hold you. Raise my voice unless I'm scaring monsters out of your room. Make you cry unless it's from laughing too much. I may have been forced to live in a weird cycle of drama, but I have the chance to break the cycle, and I promise to.
There's so many things I want to do with you that I didn't get to when I was younger. You're not here yet, but I'm already picturing you in some kind of sport. Just the little things I was never able to do when I was younger.
Because honestly honey, I was forced to grow up much faster than I should have. I didn't enjoy my childhood as much as I should have gotten to. When you're my age you'll see that you do end up missing those kind of things. But hopefully you don't, hopefully you look back on it and is satisfied on how things turned out.
So many thoughts rush my through my head each day as I get closer to meeting you and holding you. I'm a bit nervous to be honest, but I know you're well worth the wait. I just want more than anything to be the mom I know you need and deserve. And I'm really grateful that you chose me to be your parent. In a way I'm glad certain things like this happen to me so I know in the future not to repeat that mistake.
I'm pretty happy about you reading these someday. I know it may not seem like much, but words are lot more powerful than you know. Remember when all else fails, turn to words. They're always there to comfort you when you need it.
Love you.
-Mom.
Sunday, July 22, 2012
6/28/12
Dear Sariah,
Well we've hit 22 weeks, yay us! 6 months down, 3 left to go. A couple days ago at my scan, when the UT went looking for you to take your picture, you did the most incredible thing, you smiled. I'd like to think you're going to be a happy child then, seeing as you've done some pretty crazy stuff in my stomach. I know I've said it probably a thousand times and you'd probably roll your eyes if you could, but I really am excited for you to be here.
I keep having these dreams of what you're going to look like. Your scan doesn't really give me much clues, but I suppose you look a bit like me already. I'm so excited to dress you up, if you let me that is. Don't know if you'll be a girly girl or a tomboy, but I'd love you just as much.
I think days are getting easier now that people can see how much we've been designating our time for you. It may not be understandable to some, but they just can't see how much love you form when you feel a little someone growing in you. Perhaps you'll understand what I mean someday, but hopefully not too soon. I'd like you to live your life how you want to without feeling rushed. I know people feel like they can pressure others into doing what they want them to do, but remember, you are your own person.
Well, it's been a crazy ride so far and it's not over by a long shot. It's pretty safe that everyone our family is crazy excited to meet you as well. Your aunt Izzy won't stop drawing you pictures so I'm sorry if you find your room decorated with all kinds of random pictures. If it makes you excited, you have quite a few gifts already waiting for you when you come. I don't know if that'll motivate you to come faster, but please come when you're good and ready :) you're a little too early to arrive now so if you could stay cooking until October, mommy would really appreciate it.
Argh, you make me so happy Riah. I've never looked forward to the future until now. It's nice to finally have a purpose each day and know that what I'm doing, it's for a good reason. Maybe a couple years now you'll be going through the same thing, but hopefully not. Maybe unlike me, you'll know where you want to go in life and not constantly wonder 'what if' about things.
On the other hand, do you think you can maybe lay off my bladder? I love you sweetie, but you're making me feel like Sea Biscuit. I pee so many times your dad gets annoyed me, but of course when I tell him it's cause of you, he's all okay with it. Look at you, got your daddy hooked already. That's my girl :)
Love you Riah.
-mom.
Well we've hit 22 weeks, yay us! 6 months down, 3 left to go. A couple days ago at my scan, when the UT went looking for you to take your picture, you did the most incredible thing, you smiled. I'd like to think you're going to be a happy child then, seeing as you've done some pretty crazy stuff in my stomach. I know I've said it probably a thousand times and you'd probably roll your eyes if you could, but I really am excited for you to be here.
I keep having these dreams of what you're going to look like. Your scan doesn't really give me much clues, but I suppose you look a bit like me already. I'm so excited to dress you up, if you let me that is. Don't know if you'll be a girly girl or a tomboy, but I'd love you just as much.
I think days are getting easier now that people can see how much we've been designating our time for you. It may not be understandable to some, but they just can't see how much love you form when you feel a little someone growing in you. Perhaps you'll understand what I mean someday, but hopefully not too soon. I'd like you to live your life how you want to without feeling rushed. I know people feel like they can pressure others into doing what they want them to do, but remember, you are your own person.
Well, it's been a crazy ride so far and it's not over by a long shot. It's pretty safe that everyone our family is crazy excited to meet you as well. Your aunt Izzy won't stop drawing you pictures so I'm sorry if you find your room decorated with all kinds of random pictures. If it makes you excited, you have quite a few gifts already waiting for you when you come. I don't know if that'll motivate you to come faster, but please come when you're good and ready :) you're a little too early to arrive now so if you could stay cooking until October, mommy would really appreciate it.
Argh, you make me so happy Riah. I've never looked forward to the future until now. It's nice to finally have a purpose each day and know that what I'm doing, it's for a good reason. Maybe a couple years now you'll be going through the same thing, but hopefully not. Maybe unlike me, you'll know where you want to go in life and not constantly wonder 'what if' about things.
On the other hand, do you think you can maybe lay off my bladder? I love you sweetie, but you're making me feel like Sea Biscuit. I pee so many times your dad gets annoyed me, but of course when I tell him it's cause of you, he's all okay with it. Look at you, got your daddy hooked already. That's my girl :)
Love you Riah.
-mom.
6/17/12
Dear Sariah,
Not sure if I'm allowed to celebrate today yet, but for the sake of it, I'm going to. Today is Father's Day and this would be my very first time celebrating it for myself, rather than just my dad, or your grandpa.
I'll be honest with you, your grandpa and I aren't exactly on the best terms. We talk now and then, but your daddy has kind of a lot of resentment against him for what he did to me as well as your aunt and uncles. He's a bit what you would call selfish. He's always been that way and I didn't realize it until I was older.
He put us through a lot of unnecessary pain, and I'll be honest again, sometimes that pain just doesn't go away, no matter how much you want it to. Besides my own personal reasons, I'd really like to hope that your grandpa would like to be part of your life at least. In the future if you happen to find out he doesn't, I don't want you to take it personally. Your grandmother will love you just as much and a person like him isn't always good to have your in life anyways. However, I really pray that wouldn't be the case, and maybe just maybe, he'll come around for you.
That's why this special is a bit bittersweet. On one hand I don't celebrate today with my own dad, but on the other, I celebrate today because I'm your dad. And I have to say that that really makes up for things. Only because I know in my heart I'm going to really try and not repeat what my dad did. I'm going to do things differently with you, so when you're older you hopefully won't be writing this same letter to your kids. Ehh wait, I don't want discuss that yet...you having your own kids...that'll come later. MUCH later understand? Just kidding, but seriously, I have yet to figure out what age you can date. Always remember that your education comes first little lady.
Underneath it all, I'm happy to be able to be part of this day. It's like a reminder I guess that I have a new job to learn, except there's no supervisor here to help me. I got to stick this one out with your mom as we hopefully achieve our goals together, the most important one which is just to give you a good life. A life without resentment or fighting like the one I had to endure. It might be hard, but if there's anything important I learned from my father, it's always to be a fighter.
It might be a bit soon, but I really do love you already. When I talk to your mom about you, or even when I see your little feet pop out, it brings a smile to my face. I just want you to be happy as cliche as that might sound. But you don't understand how much that makes sense until you're in my shoes.
I can't wait to sit back and watch you grow up, but hopefully not too fast. I can't guarantee a lot of things, but I can guarantee that I'll protect you from any danger in this weird world. I admit even now, the thought of something hurting you makes me sad, I can just imagine when you're older.
Today was really good for once and I just look forward to spending many more Father's Days with you.
Until next time,
-Dad.
Not sure if I'm allowed to celebrate today yet, but for the sake of it, I'm going to. Today is Father's Day and this would be my very first time celebrating it for myself, rather than just my dad, or your grandpa.
I'll be honest with you, your grandpa and I aren't exactly on the best terms. We talk now and then, but your daddy has kind of a lot of resentment against him for what he did to me as well as your aunt and uncles. He's a bit what you would call selfish. He's always been that way and I didn't realize it until I was older.
He put us through a lot of unnecessary pain, and I'll be honest again, sometimes that pain just doesn't go away, no matter how much you want it to. Besides my own personal reasons, I'd really like to hope that your grandpa would like to be part of your life at least. In the future if you happen to find out he doesn't, I don't want you to take it personally. Your grandmother will love you just as much and a person like him isn't always good to have your in life anyways. However, I really pray that wouldn't be the case, and maybe just maybe, he'll come around for you.
That's why this special is a bit bittersweet. On one hand I don't celebrate today with my own dad, but on the other, I celebrate today because I'm your dad. And I have to say that that really makes up for things. Only because I know in my heart I'm going to really try and not repeat what my dad did. I'm going to do things differently with you, so when you're older you hopefully won't be writing this same letter to your kids. Ehh wait, I don't want discuss that yet...you having your own kids...that'll come later. MUCH later understand? Just kidding, but seriously, I have yet to figure out what age you can date. Always remember that your education comes first little lady.
Underneath it all, I'm happy to be able to be part of this day. It's like a reminder I guess that I have a new job to learn, except there's no supervisor here to help me. I got to stick this one out with your mom as we hopefully achieve our goals together, the most important one which is just to give you a good life. A life without resentment or fighting like the one I had to endure. It might be hard, but if there's anything important I learned from my father, it's always to be a fighter.
It might be a bit soon, but I really do love you already. When I talk to your mom about you, or even when I see your little feet pop out, it brings a smile to my face. I just want you to be happy as cliche as that might sound. But you don't understand how much that makes sense until you're in my shoes.
I can't wait to sit back and watch you grow up, but hopefully not too fast. I can't guarantee a lot of things, but I can guarantee that I'll protect you from any danger in this weird world. I admit even now, the thought of something hurting you makes me sad, I can just imagine when you're older.
Today was really good for once and I just look forward to spending many more Father's Days with you.
Until next time,
-Dad.
5/5/12
Dear Sariah,
Well I actually had this in my head for a while now. I'm not really good with letters, so bare with me, haven't written a letter in a while that I'm not being graded on :P anyways, as you can tell I'm your dad. A few things you'll know about me is that I play in a band and love food. I've been playing music since I was 15, in a band for almost 4 years now. If there's one thing I value most in my life, it's music.
I suppose starting this off would mean going back to a month ago, the first time I saw proof that you were actually alive in your mom's stomach. It was there I heard your heartbeat for the first time, something I really can't explain to you how amazing it was. To be honest with you, I never really saw myself having kids. I mean, at some point I knew I would, I just never pictured my life 10 or 20 years from now. As you will come to find out, you will have three annoying uncles and an aunt. Well they're annoying to me, but I'm sure they're going to love you. Having spent most of my time raising them, you'd understand why I never thought of kids in the picture.
Of course this changed when we find out about you. Naturally I was shocked and really surprised, I didn't think I'd have you so soon. But of course, I'd have to make some important decisions. I'm just glad that I had help needed in order to be able to take care of you. Like your mom mentioned, I'd also had some judgments of my own made against me. It's not a good feeling when people assume you're are what they call "dead beat."
Don't know about anyone else, but I'm anything but. It's been a little hard, but I've had to pick up more work to make sure I could get you things you may need in the future. It's overwhelming at times I'll admit to you, having to rearrange so many things, and then countdown the days for your arrival. But regardless of all that, remember one thing : I do it all because I love you.
Just so you know, I'm also kind of a goof, so I apologize in advance if I embarrass you at some point or another. It's not my intention, but you'll forgive me right? I'll try not to make you cringe with my horrible letter making, but I'll do the best I can :)
Until next time,
-your goober dad.
Well I actually had this in my head for a while now. I'm not really good with letters, so bare with me, haven't written a letter in a while that I'm not being graded on :P anyways, as you can tell I'm your dad. A few things you'll know about me is that I play in a band and love food. I've been playing music since I was 15, in a band for almost 4 years now. If there's one thing I value most in my life, it's music.
I suppose starting this off would mean going back to a month ago, the first time I saw proof that you were actually alive in your mom's stomach. It was there I heard your heartbeat for the first time, something I really can't explain to you how amazing it was. To be honest with you, I never really saw myself having kids. I mean, at some point I knew I would, I just never pictured my life 10 or 20 years from now. As you will come to find out, you will have three annoying uncles and an aunt. Well they're annoying to me, but I'm sure they're going to love you. Having spent most of my time raising them, you'd understand why I never thought of kids in the picture.
Of course this changed when we find out about you. Naturally I was shocked and really surprised, I didn't think I'd have you so soon. But of course, I'd have to make some important decisions. I'm just glad that I had help needed in order to be able to take care of you. Like your mom mentioned, I'd also had some judgments of my own made against me. It's not a good feeling when people assume you're are what they call "dead beat."
Don't know about anyone else, but I'm anything but. It's been a little hard, but I've had to pick up more work to make sure I could get you things you may need in the future. It's overwhelming at times I'll admit to you, having to rearrange so many things, and then countdown the days for your arrival. But regardless of all that, remember one thing : I do it all because I love you.
Just so you know, I'm also kind of a goof, so I apologize in advance if I embarrass you at some point or another. It's not my intention, but you'll forgive me right? I'll try not to make you cringe with my horrible letter making, but I'll do the best I can :)
Until next time,
-your goober dad.
6-12-2012
Dear Sariah,
I hate to be the one to admit you that in life there will be times when you get scared. It's just something that happens naturally, whether you want it to or not. The hardest part is deciding how you react to the situation, fight or flight I guess.
If I'm even more honest, when you first came about, you were one of my scary moments. You see, in this day and age of our world, people my age aren't considered fit to be parents. I'm labeled as what you call a "teen parent" and even though I'm 18, that's still not enough to be deemed acceptable.
Well, as much as I hate that label, I understand it. You see when you're my age, you'll find yourself most likely out of school (hopefully graduated) and from there you'll decide what to be in life. You might want to be an artist, a doctor, or even a musician like me. But on my side of the fence, I'm becoming what you'll be calling me soon, "mom."
A lot of people my age are also becoming this, but like I said, this isn't really seen as a good thing. However, hopefully by the time you are older, our society will be changed. Right now, our society is not what you call perfect. We have many obscure views and opinions on how people are supposed to look, think, and act. There are many things in society I do not like, but hopefully this will be different for you. Hopefully when you're older, there will be no one to try to persuade into being someone other than you.
Going back, because of these values, I was scared. Scared that I'd be put in an unfair category that doesn't defy who I am. If there's one thing you'll know about me, you'll know that I won't like to classified or labeled anything. Even though I didn't want it, I'm still subjected to hurtful comments or judgments, things people expect me to do in regards to you. I really hope that in time the things they say aren't true, because I believe they aren't.
Because even though I was scared out of my mind, I knew I had to make a decision. And in life, that's not always either. My decision was to decide to keep and raise you. Now some people might not accept that, but some times you have to learn to not care what people think.
The last couple months have came by pretty fast, you're almost hitting 6 months little girl. I'm sure you're enjoying your new skill which is kicking, seeing as you like to kick me quite a lot during the night time. Is this a sign you're going to be a night owl?
Whatever you turn out to be, I'm making a promise to myself and to you to be accepting of that. As you read on, you'll understand what I mean, but for now I'm working from the beginning. I just can't help but have this feeling that you're going to turn into something wonderful. I suppose that's why I don't mind the comments that may have been made to me, because I know soon you'll prove them wrong.
Well, I'm not quite sure what else to add, but for now this is what I have wrote down. I can't wait for you to read more of these, including your dad's letters he has written too. I think you'll come to like them just as much I have.
Only a few more months before you're here, yet it feels so far away. Every day gets a bit more exciting as I count it down. I'm still a little scared to be honest, but only because I want to do what's right for you. I wish I could have this all planned out, but you'll also realize life can be pretty unpredictable more of than not, I guess that's what make its special.
So I end letter #1 with a smile and a kiss. You may get tired of hearing it one day, but I love you.
-mom.
I hate to be the one to admit you that in life there will be times when you get scared. It's just something that happens naturally, whether you want it to or not. The hardest part is deciding how you react to the situation, fight or flight I guess.
If I'm even more honest, when you first came about, you were one of my scary moments. You see, in this day and age of our world, people my age aren't considered fit to be parents. I'm labeled as what you call a "teen parent" and even though I'm 18, that's still not enough to be deemed acceptable.
Well, as much as I hate that label, I understand it. You see when you're my age, you'll find yourself most likely out of school (hopefully graduated) and from there you'll decide what to be in life. You might want to be an artist, a doctor, or even a musician like me. But on my side of the fence, I'm becoming what you'll be calling me soon, "mom."
A lot of people my age are also becoming this, but like I said, this isn't really seen as a good thing. However, hopefully by the time you are older, our society will be changed. Right now, our society is not what you call perfect. We have many obscure views and opinions on how people are supposed to look, think, and act. There are many things in society I do not like, but hopefully this will be different for you. Hopefully when you're older, there will be no one to try to persuade into being someone other than you.
Going back, because of these values, I was scared. Scared that I'd be put in an unfair category that doesn't defy who I am. If there's one thing you'll know about me, you'll know that I won't like to classified or labeled anything. Even though I didn't want it, I'm still subjected to hurtful comments or judgments, things people expect me to do in regards to you. I really hope that in time the things they say aren't true, because I believe they aren't.
Because even though I was scared out of my mind, I knew I had to make a decision. And in life, that's not always either. My decision was to decide to keep and raise you. Now some people might not accept that, but some times you have to learn to not care what people think.
The last couple months have came by pretty fast, you're almost hitting 6 months little girl. I'm sure you're enjoying your new skill which is kicking, seeing as you like to kick me quite a lot during the night time. Is this a sign you're going to be a night owl?
Whatever you turn out to be, I'm making a promise to myself and to you to be accepting of that. As you read on, you'll understand what I mean, but for now I'm working from the beginning. I just can't help but have this feeling that you're going to turn into something wonderful. I suppose that's why I don't mind the comments that may have been made to me, because I know soon you'll prove them wrong.
Well, I'm not quite sure what else to add, but for now this is what I have wrote down. I can't wait for you to read more of these, including your dad's letters he has written too. I think you'll come to like them just as much I have.
Only a few more months before you're here, yet it feels so far away. Every day gets a bit more exciting as I count it down. I'm still a little scared to be honest, but only because I want to do what's right for you. I wish I could have this all planned out, but you'll also realize life can be pretty unpredictable more of than not, I guess that's what make its special.
So I end letter #1 with a smile and a kiss. You may get tired of hearing it one day, but I love you.
-mom.
The Reason.
Dear Sariah,
I'm not quite sure what possessed me to start this, but I suppose it was a good way to pass time. Pass the time until the day you're actually here, and to the day you'll actually read this. I decided to write these...letters if you will, something I want you to have when you are older. Should something ever happen to your father and I, I hope these give you comfort as in these letters you will find us always.
As you grow older you will see that I'm not exactly the most conventional person, but bare with me. Try to understand that there's a method to my madness, a rhyme to my reason. They say that writing is the greatest form of expression, and to me this rings true. If there's anything I am glad I inherited from my own mother, it is writing.
You will soon see that writing is something I've been doing since I was 13. I learned how to take my imagination and make into something much more amazing. I crafted my emotions into a pretend world to mask my true self, a comfort zone if you will. I never fully realized just how much my imagination kept me going for so long, but I'm glad it did.
That's why I hope one day when you're older, you'll love your imagination just as much as I do. It'll take you places you never thought possible, and because of that, you'll have the power to create the most amazing things. Wherever you decide to go, always bring your imagination with you.
Little Sariah, these are things your father and I never thought we'd write down so soon. But for what it's worth, we hope you carry these on for however long you will need them. Remember if your life seems dark at any point in time, let these be the light you need.
Love always, mom.
I'm not quite sure what possessed me to start this, but I suppose it was a good way to pass time. Pass the time until the day you're actually here, and to the day you'll actually read this. I decided to write these...letters if you will, something I want you to have when you are older. Should something ever happen to your father and I, I hope these give you comfort as in these letters you will find us always.
As you grow older you will see that I'm not exactly the most conventional person, but bare with me. Try to understand that there's a method to my madness, a rhyme to my reason. They say that writing is the greatest form of expression, and to me this rings true. If there's anything I am glad I inherited from my own mother, it is writing.
You will soon see that writing is something I've been doing since I was 13. I learned how to take my imagination and make into something much more amazing. I crafted my emotions into a pretend world to mask my true self, a comfort zone if you will. I never fully realized just how much my imagination kept me going for so long, but I'm glad it did.
That's why I hope one day when you're older, you'll love your imagination just as much as I do. It'll take you places you never thought possible, and because of that, you'll have the power to create the most amazing things. Wherever you decide to go, always bring your imagination with you.
Little Sariah, these are things your father and I never thought we'd write down so soon. But for what it's worth, we hope you carry these on for however long you will need them. Remember if your life seems dark at any point in time, let these be the light you need.
Love always, mom.
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