I hate to be the one to admit you that in life there will be times when you get scared. It's just something that happens naturally, whether you want it to or not. The hardest part is deciding how you react to the situation, fight or flight I guess.
If I'm even more honest, when you first came about, you were one of my scary moments. You see, in this day and age of our world, people my age aren't considered fit to be parents. I'm labeled as what you call a "teen parent" and even though I'm 18, that's still not enough to be deemed acceptable.
Well, as much as I hate that label, I understand it. You see when you're my age, you'll find yourself most likely out of school (hopefully graduated) and from there you'll decide what to be in life. You might want to be an artist, a doctor, or even a musician like me. But on my side of the fence, I'm becoming what you'll be calling me soon, "mom."
A lot of people my age are also becoming this, but like I said, this isn't really seen as a good thing. However, hopefully by the time you are older, our society will be changed. Right now, our society is not what you call perfect. We have many obscure views and opinions on how people are supposed to look, think, and act. There are many things in society I do not like, but hopefully this will be different for you. Hopefully when you're older, there will be no one to try to persuade into being someone other than you.
Going back, because of these values, I was scared. Scared that I'd be put in an unfair category that doesn't defy who I am. If there's one thing you'll know about me, you'll know that I won't like to classified or labeled anything. Even though I didn't want it, I'm still subjected to hurtful comments or judgments, things people expect me to do in regards to you. I really hope that in time the things they say aren't true, because I believe they aren't.
Because even though I was scared out of my mind, I knew I had to make a decision. And in life, that's not always either. My decision was to decide to keep and raise you. Now some people might not accept that, but some times you have to learn to not care what people think.
The last couple months have came by pretty fast, you're almost hitting 6 months little girl. I'm sure you're enjoying your new skill which is kicking, seeing as you like to kick me quite a lot during the night time. Is this a sign you're going to be a night owl?
Whatever you turn out to be, I'm making a promise to myself and to you to be accepting of that. As you read on, you'll understand what I mean, but for now I'm working from the beginning. I just can't help but have this feeling that you're going to turn into something wonderful. I suppose that's why I don't mind the comments that may have been made to me, because I know soon you'll prove them wrong.
Well, I'm not quite sure what else to add, but for now this is what I have wrote down. I can't wait for you to read more of these, including your dad's letters he has written too. I think you'll come to like them just as much I have.
Only a few more months before you're here, yet it feels so far away. Every day gets a bit more exciting as I count it down. I'm still a little scared to be honest, but only because I want to do what's right for you. I wish I could have this all planned out, but you'll also realize life can be pretty unpredictable more of than not, I guess that's what make its special.
So I end letter #1 with a smile and a kiss. You may get tired of hearing it one day, but I love you.